Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Too Soon?

One more thing I hate before I move on to the epicenter of this blog. Okay. Yep. The slangishly unhip, completely unnecessary near-word sheeple. Are we so damn unimaginative that we need to fuse sheep and people together in order to call people sheep? There's already a word for that! It's SHEEP! I don't see people running to merge lady and bitch together when they feel it necessary to dehumanize a woman by calling her a female dog. No, because there is no need for it. It'd be redundant and kinda dumb.

Now the real shit. Take a look at this, for a lack of a better word, shit. Sorry to use shit in two (okay, now three) consecutive sentences, but you'll see it's warranted. Holy shit!

What's spreading as fast as the H1N1 Swine Flu? Lunacy-backed consumerism related to the H1N1 Swine Flu! That's right! Tasteless attempts to sell tasteless handmade wares to tasteless lame-os. We're on the brink of the first pandemic since 1968 (read about it, yo), and all these people can think about is making a cool $12.25 after they account for supplies and the extra $2 they'll make for overcharging for shipping.

How does that thought process, a result of mindless capitalist indoctrination, go: Hey, so the World Health Organization just raised the pandemic alert to a 5 (out of 6) I think I'll make this really tacky, poorly made piece of shit and try to sell it for $15. Hey, yeah! Chaching! I'll have to put that in my piggy bank. Oh, I'm such a clever piece of shit! HaHaHa. Laughing all the way to the bank. That's right. Again, with the change bank reference. I'm awesome. This is such an original idea!

NO! NO! Never. It's not original. It's not funny. And, it's sure as fuck not cute. Take a look for yourself.

Swine Flu "Way Too Soon" Designer Mask: Apparently designer is being used in the loosest sense of the word these days. These may take the award for most desperate attempt at making $15 while having a skewed perception of appropriate business practices or decency.

"Each one comes with a pink glass pig charm. What a hoot! Oink!" - These are the seller's own words.

The truly disturbing part is this nutter has three masks available for purchase. So, as he/she/it watches schools and public transit close and reports of deaths due to influenza spread, he/she/it continues to pump out these cute, handmade gems lacking any inkling of taste.

Swine Flu "Too Soon" T-shirt: Considering a t-shirt that says, "hey, I'm a thoughtless prick!" You'd be better served spitting in your "friend's" face and flushing the $15 down the drain. Maybe I'd think twice about buying a shirt like this if the cost were $15 cheaper and the caption read: "My maker deserves endless nights spent at home without the privilege of other human contact, because he/she tried to financially benefit from one of the potentially biggest health disasters of our lives."

Swine Flu "Too Soon" Discounted Animal Plaque - Need a reason to save $6 on something you'd cringe to see adorning your walls?

I know! Let's offer a 24% discount to mark this really exciting time. Yippee. Swine Flu discount!

Are you fucking serious?

The description actually says, "Swine Flu special...originally $25"

And, on last unrelated thing: Arlen Specter, we know you're only doing this so you have a sliver of a chance of being re-elected, but no matter your motivation, you're driving a lot of conservatives crazy. Bravo, brah! It's fun to watch.

1 comment:

  1. I have never heard the term sheeple, but if I had, I would hate it too. Oh, wait, now I have. And I hate it.

    Also, you are spot on with that Swine Flu shit.


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