Friday, April 17, 2009

Stuff Bennington Hates Part 1

One of my grade school teachers used to say, "I hate the word hate." I don't.

The following are in no particular order. They're all disliked.

1. Sand - The beach is one of the best places to be. There's no need arguing that point, but when you're done with the beach, you're done with the beach. I hate when I return home to a perfectly clean hotel room or house and the floor is shortly covered with sand. Sand belongs outside! Otherwise sand is a pretty cool material.

2. Uggs - People really buy these monstrosities? In pairs? They ain't cheap! They're like fur coats for your feet.

3. When people refer to the sex of an animal as "he" when they really have no idea if the thing is a male or a female - Have you noticed how people do this? I have. And, the most annoying part is: I fucking do it.

"Oh, he's so cute!"
"I bet he's a handful. He looks like a handful, right?"
"He's eating that other fish. Every man for himself!"

4. Your vs. You're - How difficult is this, people? Contractions ain't rocket science. Here's an easy way to remember this brainbuster. Let's say you have the following sentences (see below) and you are perplexed about which homophone to use. Simply ask yourself: Self, does you are fit here or not? It works 100% of the time, and you'll appear like you have a 4th grade understanding of English.

_________ (Your, You're) fun to watch television with!
_________ (Your, You're) watchband smells like cauliflower.

5. When people say, "___________ (some shitty place on Earth) is the best place on Earth" when they have been nowhere else -
If you have spent your entire life inside a 30 mile radius the chance that the 30 mile area you have confined yourself to is superior to all others on Earth is dangerously low. Plus, you could probably use something to compare it all to. Maybe a day trip to the adjacent county would provide you with a little more information.

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