Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Ben's Conspiracy Theory Related Clip uh da week

"He's black, Muslim, and Kenyan."
"Hell, his middle name is Hussein."
"I don't give a shit if he wears mom jeans, he ain't my damn president."

Now, if I could just get someone to marry those three accurate observations into one super quote I could save my self some real time with all those extra quotation marks.

Sometimes your peers make it hard to be in your current geographical location. Some of you in Delaware know what I'm talking about.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Too Good Not to Share!

I've said it before, and I'll likely say it again - I find Glenn Beck to be annoying. Like all the world's nails slowly being run down a chalk board the size of Asia, Greenland, and Connecticut combined. Now, I question dude's sanity. I really worry for those who spend large (over 35 seconds) periods of time around this man.

Listen to this clip. The respect he has for those who differ in opinion is unparalleled. Learning, listening, growing, and caring - it's the life Glenn leads 24/7.

This is the kind of thing you wouldn't hear on NPR on your morning commute. Imagine Diane Rehm temporarily losing her mind in this way. Ain't gonna happen. She doesn't have the voice for it, and she's a human. And, a goddamn fox. She's really a lovely older woman. Just beautiful. The kind of lady you could take out for tea and then just caress for hours. Sorry, I'm getting quite a bit off topic. Let's return: Glenn Beck's a mini-donkey's ass.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Ben's Clip uh da week

Some of my favorites! Sarah, I'll miss ya, baby! For the sake of every Republican in this country I hope you go quietly, and stay out of national politics for good, but for the rest of us, I hope you garner the Republican nomination in 2012. My father always said, "Quitters never prosper." Prove him wrong, sweetheart!

I surely hope my post from last week didn't in any way influence your decision to quit on the people of Alaska.

Here are a couple of articles I stumbled upon while throwing together this rant: Wonkette and Anchorage Daily News. Both are worth reading.

Here's a better analogy, Sarah: A good point guard drives through a full court press, and instead of passing the ball she drops it says, "Fuck it, I know we're way down and we could use me, but I quit. Maybe I'll return in a couple of seasons, when you really need me. I'm out for now. Ya'll can take on this team with a woman down. Good luck!"

She's quitting to pursue a higher calling? A higher calling? Calling? This woman has a vivid imagination. If god exists I am quite sure he isn't calling her. But, for the hell of it, how does that conversation go?

"Sarah, it's me: God! Yeah, I know we haven't spoken in a couple of weeks. I was in Barbados. But, I'd like for you to abandon your post as governor. You heard me. QUIT! Tell 'em you're quitting for your family. Bring your son into it. And, then tell 'em I told you to do it. Shut up for a while. You know, lay low. Then, in a couple of years, you, with my help, will take America back! Good luck, sweetheart. I know I'm gonna love the basketball reference. You kill me with that sports' shit. You're so damn clever!"

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Fun with Cross-Referencing

File under Fun with Stereotypes. No, no, definitely What's Right With America. Fuck it, let's just keep it in the Marge's Irony Faves. There's nothing Marge loves more than irony used in proper context!

If it's true that newspaper's becoming the dinosaur of media, we're all screwed. When I can't start my day out with a cup fulla' joe and bittersweet pink-wrapped chemicals, some crunchy flakes dowsed in soymilk, and a few local black and white print gems like this one, I would rather just stay in bed. Fortunately, I live in a place where I can count on folks like Mr. Harrington and his kinfolk to fulfill their journalistic duty on a daily basis, even in the imposing shadow of the liberal media machine. Scott, you keep writing, and I'll keep reading, baby!

(Call me, Scott. I still need a date for the 4th of July fireworks in the park. I'll bring the hotdogs. You bring the concealed weapon.)

Improptu Stuffster Poll: What's your favorite? The subtle insinuation that the president is gay? The clever insertion of the sinister middle name? The mastery of the concept of irony? The quotation marks inserted arbitrarily in not one, but two, nonsensical places? Cast your vote in the comments box!