Thursday, April 30, 2009

My hate makes your hate look like fluffington!

Guestington here. Honored to share my hate. I’ve a list of five to start, but I’ve tried to pick from within the 36-42 range of my top six hundred, because I want this to be more interesting to read than a list of the obvious things that everybody hates. For example, Rush Limbaugh, bananas, being tickled, and performance art are generally hated by everyone, and thus we’ve all spent enough time thinking and hearing about why they suck. But don’t be fooled by my rankings; I hate the following five things with a hatred so intense it makes Ann Coulter look like the Easter Bunny.

Get ready to relate!
  1. 100 calorie packs. I have serious objections with the amount of packaging involved in making people feel better about eating foods that aren’t really food anyway. Why can’t you just count out seven wheat thins from a much larger box of wheat thins and be done with it? I’ve also noticed that the 100 calorie packs of the seemingly more delicious foods, such as cookies, often contain only sad imitations of what I was expecting. Actually, I think they’re all just wheat thins cleverly disguised as other snacks. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, go get yourself a 100 calorie pack of Oreos next time you’re in the mood for some Oreo cookies but you are too full of self hate to allow yourself what you truly desire. You’ll see what I mean. Then you’ll eat some actual Oreos in addition to the three packs of chocolate chalk-dust coated crackers you just wolfed down.
  2. Chewing gum. Gross. No exceptions.
  3. Cold. As in, the state of feeling cold; not necessarily the entire state of Alaska. I like scarves. I like hats. I love the word mukluk so much that I knowingly use it inappropriately all winter long. But there’s nothing worse than having to endure Florida-style air conditioning without unlimited access to slippers and personal-sized space heaters. I don’t know who decided that 70ish degrees is an appropriate thermostat setting for our air conditioners when our internal thermostats are set to 98.6 degrees. And I’m not fond of winter, but my distaste turns to hatred when it refuses to back down, even into the summer. Equally perturbing is my resistance to just move to Miami or San Diego and be done with it. Because if I were to do that, then (argh!) I just know I would actually miss hot chocolate and bonfires so much that I would experience at least a tinge of melancholic nostalgia. And I hate melancholic nostalgia so much that it deserves a spot on my top ten list. (Not that I have one; I hate top ten lists.)
  4. Small coffee cups. These are not to be confused with the tiny tea cups used by English people in my imagination. Perhaps I should say small coffee mugs. Undersized, actually, is a more appropriate descriptor. Who is happy with 8 ounces of coffee? It’s not just the insufficiency of the size, but the pity I feel for the waitress. And yes, I am really only talking about undersized coffee mugs at restaurants, because any respectable coffee drinker would not tolerate the undersized coffee mug in their cabinet. Who has room, with all those other decent-sized mugs that people keep gifting us? We all already have too many. We all already struggle to fit together the ceramic puzzle of the ones we have. If they’re not good enough for our homes, why do otherwise respectable restaurants (and also Waffle Houses) continue to force us to endure them? (And while I’m on the subject, coffee mugs are not appropriate gifts for your caffeinated friends. We already have too many, and we can’t get rid of the ones we have because we feel guilty because they were all gifts and many of them say things that lead to melancholic nostalgia. If you want to get us a coffee-related gift, get us some coffee. But truly, you should probably just go entirely in another direction with the gift ideas, because we’re particular about our coffee too.)
  5. Babies. There. I said it. Please don’t challenge me on this one. I know I’m not alone.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Too Soon?

One more thing I hate before I move on to the epicenter of this blog. Okay. Yep. The slangishly unhip, completely unnecessary near-word sheeple. Are we so damn unimaginative that we need to fuse sheep and people together in order to call people sheep? There's already a word for that! It's SHEEP! I don't see people running to merge lady and bitch together when they feel it necessary to dehumanize a woman by calling her a female dog. No, because there is no need for it. It'd be redundant and kinda dumb.

Now the real shit. Take a look at this, for a lack of a better word, shit. Sorry to use shit in two (okay, now three) consecutive sentences, but you'll see it's warranted. Holy shit!

What's spreading as fast as the H1N1 Swine Flu? Lunacy-backed consumerism related to the H1N1 Swine Flu! That's right! Tasteless attempts to sell tasteless handmade wares to tasteless lame-os. We're on the brink of the first pandemic since 1968 (read about it, yo), and all these people can think about is making a cool $12.25 after they account for supplies and the extra $2 they'll make for overcharging for shipping.

How does that thought process, a result of mindless capitalist indoctrination, go: Hey, so the World Health Organization just raised the pandemic alert to a 5 (out of 6) I think I'll make this really tacky, poorly made piece of shit and try to sell it for $15. Hey, yeah! Chaching! I'll have to put that in my piggy bank. Oh, I'm such a clever piece of shit! HaHaHa. Laughing all the way to the bank. That's right. Again, with the change bank reference. I'm awesome. This is such an original idea!

NO! NO! Never. It's not original. It's not funny. And, it's sure as fuck not cute. Take a look for yourself.

Swine Flu "Way Too Soon" Designer Mask: Apparently designer is being used in the loosest sense of the word these days. These may take the award for most desperate attempt at making $15 while having a skewed perception of appropriate business practices or decency.

"Each one comes with a pink glass pig charm. What a hoot! Oink!" - These are the seller's own words.

The truly disturbing part is this nutter has three masks available for purchase. So, as he/she/it watches schools and public transit close and reports of deaths due to influenza spread, he/she/it continues to pump out these cute, handmade gems lacking any inkling of taste.

Swine Flu "Too Soon" T-shirt: Considering a t-shirt that says, "hey, I'm a thoughtless prick!" You'd be better served spitting in your "friend's" face and flushing the $15 down the drain. Maybe I'd think twice about buying a shirt like this if the cost were $15 cheaper and the caption read: "My maker deserves endless nights spent at home without the privilege of other human contact, because he/she tried to financially benefit from one of the potentially biggest health disasters of our lives."

Swine Flu "Too Soon" Discounted Animal Plaque - Need a reason to save $6 on something you'd cringe to see adorning your walls?

I know! Let's offer a 24% discount to mark this really exciting time. Yippee. Swine Flu discount!

Are you fucking serious?

The description actually says, "Swine Flu special...originally $25"

And, on last unrelated thing: Arlen Specter, we know you're only doing this so you have a sliver of a chance of being re-elected, but no matter your motivation, you're driving a lot of conservatives crazy. Bravo, brah! It's fun to watch.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Addendum to the Short List

1. Patchouli. I really hate the way patchouli smells and not just because it typically is being used in a vain attempt to conceal horrific body odor.Patchouli makes the very back of my tongue convulse, kind of like gagging but not quite. Seriously, I would take just the body odor any day.

2. Baby talk. If you are over the age of 18 months baby talk is never okay.

3. Overuse/misuse of the same word. The classic example here is the misuse of literally, but if you heard the misuse of the word exactly approximately 10 times a day from the same individual, you might harbor some ill feelings too.

4. Single use items that are supposed to make life easier but are really just a huge waste of resources and go straight to the landfill. Don't get me wrong, I am frequently really lazy but even I can dust a bookshelf and still muster the energy to wash a rag.

5. Littering. Especially when it's the kind that a lot of people do and don't even think about. I'm talking about balloons here people. I hate it when people let helium balloons go and think that they are sending out wishes or something of the sort. If your wish is for dead marine animals, then by all means let those balloons go folks.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Things I Hate

I try to spend most of my time dwelling on the things I love, so this is going to be tough. Try to read this all in one breath.

From the top:

Rogue hairs.
Wasting food.
Complex bongs.
Drawing a blank.
Baggage handlers.
Impenetrable truths.
Non-Forever stamps.
Planned obsolescence.
High Fructose Corn Syrup.
People who date my ex-lovers.
Cities in the middle of the desert.
The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle.
Getting frisked on my way into a concert.
That there’s more than one way to skin a cat.
Anything cool that I wasn’t in on from the beginning.
That deer haven’t evolved to see the color bright-orange yet.
Feeling like a rapist every time I smile at an attractive human being.
Not telling off the inspector at the airport because he or she is just a lackey.
The cumbersome lack of a non-gender specific third person singular pronoun in English.
Antiperspirant with a bunch of crazy shit in it that Old Spice expects me to rub all over my lymph nodes.
People who’s complete agreement with you makes you look like you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
People who think they know more than you about something just because they’ve been working in that field for years, or they have a degree in that field, or Joanna Macy’s chauffer comes to their potlucks. Fuck you.

Wow, that was cathartic.

Friday, April 24, 2009

More Stuff Bennington Hates (Part II)

6. Lawn Care - My mother used to say, "Life sucks, then you die." Actually, she still does. I think about lawn care similarly. "You have a nice green lawn, then you die." But, it's much more complicated.

Yeah, I'm a tree hugger. I'm an environmentalist insofar as altering a natural setting with noxious chemicals solely because "it looks green" (not necessarily better) seems idiotic, wasteful, and selfish as fuck. All so your grass can be awarded "yard of the month" in your dumbass neighborhood.

Let me break it down for: chemical on the lawn, rain on the lawn, chemical in the river, chemical in the ocean/sea, chemical in the fish, chemical back in you. Plus, you really shouldn't be rolling on, playing in, or touching a lawn that has been sprayed with such pesticides. And, you really shouldn't allow a pet or child to be anywhere near the grass!

A cost savings idea for someone who loves a green lawn: pay for a round of golf, take along your digital camera, snap as many photos of the fairways and greens as you like, develop your favorite, let's say, 30 photos from the day, and then get out the scotch tape, with photos in hand, and affix them to your windows. Tadah! You now have the opportunity to always, each and everytime you look from your windows while watching re-runs of Quantum Leap, see a green, happy, toxic lawn outside.

And, the next time you eat fish you won't have to worry about neurotoxins. Oh, and, maybe you'll do your part to reduce the nearly 80 million pounds of pesticides used on U.S. lawns each year ( And, you'll be rewarded with eternal life.

For more ideas:

7. Glenn Beck - Put Sean Hannity, Bill O'Reilly, and Gary Busey in a blender and remove 97% of the personality and you've got Glenn Beck. You should read this guy's column or watch his show. He's guaranteed to make you gag, or you'll get a dollar off your next case of Coors Light.

And, he's now on Fox News! When are those hacks going to give Ann Coulter her own show? Am I right, Ann?

8. Drafts - You remember rough drafts from your 9th grade English class? They sucked. Now all of my email programs are equipped with a draft section. And, I still hate it. Who's slaved over an email for hours, and saved it as a rough draft, only to months later realize you hit "save as draft," not "send?" I do it weekly.

"What the shit? I could have sworn I sent that hate mail to Glenn Beck."

9. Acne - I guess everybody goes through an awkward acne-riddled stage, but that doesn't make it any easier. While you're going through it you just want it to be over, and then when you grower older and feel you've logged enough time, and are even now wearing scares to prove it, there it comes again to rear its ugly head. Plus, all the synonyms for the word grate on my ears. I don't care to hear the word pimples or zits, much less have them.

10. Top Ten Lists - They always suck. Number seven is always the best, and when you get to number one you feel cheated. The worst part is each time you hear about a top ten list you forget about the years of experience you've had with less-than-stellar lists and instead slide back into this child-like mentality awaiting hilarity only to leave confused and jaded.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Yawn & Clip Uh da Week

Clip Uh Da Week

I think we can all agree Arike and Holly are stealing the damn show!

Yawn Uh Da Week

Seriously, if you haven't seen this woman sing you are missing nothing. I'm actually envious of you if you haven't. This clip isn't even worth watching. Just watch the first one twice.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Stuff Mo Hates: The Short List

1. I hate vocal jazz. I had to ask to find out it was called that, I think of it as that beebopping, scattin’ crap that makes my blood pressure rise. Seriously. I hate it that much.

2. Hot raisins, you know, the plump ones. If you want fruit to be juicy why did you dry it in the first place? Hmmmm?

3. The Vinyl Cafe with Stuart McLean. It has nothing to do with Canada or the CBC and you know I loves me some public radio, but this show really bothers me. It's Stuart's inflection, he sounds like a sweaty, cheap suit wearing, christian pastor. There, I said it.

4. The way steak smells when it is cooking. Alright, I know not a lot of people are with me on this one, but I really do hate it.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Stuff Bennington Hates Part 1

One of my grade school teachers used to say, "I hate the word hate." I don't.

The following are in no particular order. They're all disliked.

1. Sand - The beach is one of the best places to be. There's no need arguing that point, but when you're done with the beach, you're done with the beach. I hate when I return home to a perfectly clean hotel room or house and the floor is shortly covered with sand. Sand belongs outside! Otherwise sand is a pretty cool material.

2. Uggs - People really buy these monstrosities? In pairs? They ain't cheap! They're like fur coats for your feet.

3. When people refer to the sex of an animal as "he" when they really have no idea if the thing is a male or a female - Have you noticed how people do this? I have. And, the most annoying part is: I fucking do it.

"Oh, he's so cute!"
"I bet he's a handful. He looks like a handful, right?"
"He's eating that other fish. Every man for himself!"

4. Your vs. You're - How difficult is this, people? Contractions ain't rocket science. Here's an easy way to remember this brainbuster. Let's say you have the following sentences (see below) and you are perplexed about which homophone to use. Simply ask yourself: Self, does you are fit here or not? It works 100% of the time, and you'll appear like you have a 4th grade understanding of English.

_________ (Your, You're) fun to watch television with!
_________ (Your, You're) watchband smells like cauliflower.

5. When people say, "___________ (some shitty place on Earth) is the best place on Earth" when they have been nowhere else -
If you have spent your entire life inside a 30 mile radius the chance that the 30 mile area you have confined yourself to is superior to all others on Earth is dangerously low. Plus, you could probably use something to compare it all to. Maybe a day trip to the adjacent county would provide you with a little more information.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Ned's hatred

Ned, just because you ain't never been down to southeastern Tennessee don't mean you gots to drag it through the mud because of Marilyn's illogical, colossal brain fart (I hate that term, but, Marilyn, you made me use it).

"I reckon you can just shut that big city mouth of yours, boy. We don't like your kind 'round here."

Chattanooga's home to the Choo-Choo and Senator Bob Corker (speaking of brain fart).

Water's good. Waffles are good. Dry humping has its moments. And, Marilyn missed the target on this one, her God can't hold a candle or a waffle or a birthday waffle with candle to a waffle.

Sorry, man. And when I say man I mean the dude uptop. Walk on water and we'll talk. Or, move some water around. Or, furnish the keg for my upcoming house party. You could use some water as a base or just switch it straight over. Cure my acne. Something! Anything! Or, or, better yet reveal yourself to me and I'll carry you to stardom. Send me a text. I'll shoot you my address. We'll talk! I'll introduce you to George Clooney and David Letterman. If they can't deliver your message to the masses, well, no one can. You need to stop depending on the Marilyns of the world and getchya a Sean Penn or a Rosie O'Donell. I know Uma.

And, how about a book. An autobiography, perhaps. Biographies are for chumps. I know a guy who knows a girl at Harper Collins. Let's get serious about this, guy. We'll send out some emails, tweets, and post a listing on Craigslist San Francisco. We can have a weenie roast and just kick some ideas off of one another. I'm not omniscient, but I know a little something about how this is done. You gotta give a little. We'll meet you halfway, but you can't just kick back in a hammock upstairs and expect us to bake you a bundt cake or some waffles. That shit ain't gonna work!

And, we'll get you a cool name like Ned or Russell. No can ignore a Russell.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I don't have a God complex, you have a simple God

Frustrated Ned here. I can't seem to get this typewriter to post comments, or watch the video of two old ladies patting each other down. So, I guess I'm stuck writing an article.

First off, Kirk, don't forget to cup the balls. Second off, why is there such a long Jesus article on Stuff Po. I had time to queue up a Janis Joplin record and pray to the east for God to buy me a new computer, while waiting for that main page to load. Other than the obvious insult of the length of the article, I find the content completely outlandish.

For those of you who don't have office jobs with hours to kill, I took some notes while reading so you won't have to: We may or may not have landed on the moon. Yada yada yada; water's great. Anyone who's ever chugged a glass of water while peeing knows that. Ok, Marilyn, I like what you have to say about how cool the Big Bang and the Earth are. I'm starting to come around here. And by "come around," I mean "dry hump my inflatable globe." My brain's pretty awesome, too; still with you. Maybe it filtered out God as "relatively unimportant," ha, in yer face, still with you though. Really, Confucianism is the fifth major world religion? In yer face, Hindus! (And Animists, if you really want to have this debate.) Uhp, Jesus, there he is. I new he was coming. Hey Jesus, what do you think about Global Warming? You couldn't have given us a little heads up about the biggest threat to the survival of our species since the divine invention of STDs? Not very forward-thinking for a prophet, if you ask me. Oh, sorry Marilyn, not very forward-thinking for the light of the world. And for the record - that someone claims to be the light of the world, does not necessarily make it so - as the crux of your argument seemed to indicate at the point in which I lost interest.

Since then, I've been staring into the mirror wondering if each of my individual cells is actually a planet like the earth - if not the earth itself - wherein I am sitting, staring into this mirror, and trying to figure out my relationship to the rest of the cosmos, which itself exists entirely in the space between my cells, which is to say, everything exists within me. Quark, atom, cell, organism, social population, biosphere, solar system, galaxy, universe, quark. I am God. You can be, too, if you get yourself a mirror and reflect on the space between your cells. Thanks for numbing my mind to the point of epiphany with your Chattanooga drawl, Marilyn.

Anyway, now that Stuff Po has thoroughly exhausted the God topic, I'd like to turn my attention to some real issues that are plaguing society, like baby eating. [Article forthcoming.]

Monday, April 6, 2009

Possibility of Plagiarism

One of my favorite shows is The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. It's frequently funny, but I am seriously concerned that one of the writers stumbled on the Stuff Po blog prior to slapping together this piece. Yes, like any good writer or team of handfuls of writers they've elaborated on Stuff Po's original blog, but I think you'll agree we have a valid argument. Our blog was posted hours before Jon and the guys taped their show. Check our Yawn of the Week prior to viewing the video. And, prepare to be shocked!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Yawn of the Week

Seriously? Really? Yeah? Honestly? For reals?

Am I the only one completely underwhelmed by the queen and these archaic rules? And, I'm all for respecting elders, but... Maybe, maybe a curtsy is appropriate, but the queen ain't made of hydrochloric acid. Protocol like this should have been discarded long ago. Thoughts?

The Queen and Mrs. Obama: Did the First Lady Break Protocol?

US President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle, pose with Britain's Queen AP – US President Barack Obama and his wife Michelle, pose with Britain's Queen Elizabeth II during an audience …

The rules are set in stone, and so the eagerly watching British media sputtered when the First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, briefly put her hand on the back of Queen Elizabeth II as the two chatted at a reception. Etiquette is quite stern about this ("Whatever you do, don't touch the Queen!"). In 2007 John Howard, then Prime Minister of Australia, got plenty of criticism for apparently putting his arm around the Queen to direct her through a crowd. He denied actually touching her, but photographs suggest that he came quite close. (Another former Australian Prime Minister did put his hand on the Queen in a similar circumstance and was later branded "the Lizard of Oz.")

Of course, there are corollaries to this. One must certainly touch the Queen if the monarch offers her hand (though you should return this not with a firm handshake but just a touch). On Wednesday, Michelle Obama put her hand on the Queen only after the Queen had placed her own hand on the First Lady's back as part of their conversation. So there is room for theological argument as to whether the American reciprocity of touch was allowable given the social dynamics of the situation. (Less explicable was when President George W. Bush winked at the Queen.) Still, the sight of anyone apparently touching the Queen with anything more than a limp handshake is enough to send the British (or traditionalists in the old Commonwealth) twittering. (See pictures of the Obamas' travels in Europe.)

Another defense for Michelle Obama, of course, is that she is not a subject of the Queen. (Australians, despite referendums attempting to turn themselves into a republic, still recognize the Queen as their head of state.) The First Lady of the United States is not required to curtsey before her or any other crowned head. In any case, the touch lasted just a second or two, and the Queen did not seem particularly perturbed - though she appeared slightly surprised as she drew away. (See how Barack Obama is connected to the Queen via TIME's Person of the Year.)

So where does this rule about not touching the Queen come from? The sovereigns of England and France at some point in their nations' long histories claimed a divine right to rule, a right often amplified by titles bestowed by the Pope in Rome. (The Queen, in fact, still has the title Defender of the Faith, an honor given to Henry VIII before he broke with the Catholic Church and established the Church of England.) That touch of holiness once gave the occupant of the throne the supposed ability to cure certain diseases - most famously, scrofula, a terrible skin ailment that was called "the king's evil." Thus, the miraculous contact had to be conserved. And so, whether a touch or a nod or a gaze, royal favor, like that of God, is not a subject's on demand; it is dispensed by kingly prerogative. (See pictures from the 2006 celebration of the Queen's birthday.)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Compelling Argument?

Many of us at Stuff Po received a wad of emails related to our guest contributer's post about bananas, Kirk Cameron, and atheists. A fair amount took issue with the defacing of the lifeblood of Growing Pains. "His curlies should protect him from meanies like you!" Others simply said, "Bananas are high in potassium, what, what!" But, our largest complaint was from our Christian fans who "just don't get that post." It got us thinking about providing a certain balance to our posts, so, while I personally find the following article to lack critical thought, reason, or balance itself, I'm posting it here. Let us know what you think. The article can be found here:

Does God exist?

Here are six straight-forward reasons to believe that God is really there.

By Marilyn Adamson

Just once wouldn't you love for someone to simply show you the evidence for God's existence? No arm-twisting. No statements of, "You just have to believe." Well, here is an attempt to candidly offer some of the reasons which suggest that God exists.
But first consider this. If a person opposes even the possibility of there being a God, then any evidence can be rationalized or explained away. It is like if someone refuses to believe that people have walked on the moon, then no amount of information is going to change their thinking. Photographs of astronauts walking on the moon, interviews with the astronauts, moon rocks...all the evidence would be worthless, because the person has already concluded that people cannot go to the moon.
When it comes to the possibility of God's existence, the Bible says that there are people who have seen sufficient evidence, but they have suppressed the truth about God.1 On the other hand, for those who want to know God if he is there, he says, "You will seek me and find me; when you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you."2 Before you look at the facts surrounding God's existence, ask yourself, If God does exist, would I want to know him? Here then, are some reasons to consider...
1. Does God exist? The complexity of our planet points to a deliberate Designer who not only created our universe, but sustains it today.
Many examples showing God's design could be given, possibly with no end. But here are a few:
The Earth...its size is perfect. The Earth's size and corresponding gravity holds a thin layer of mostly nitrogen and oxygen gases, only extending about 50 miles above the Earth's surface. If Earth were smaller, an atmosphere would be impossible, like the planet Mercury. If Earth were larger, its atmosphere would contain free hydrogen, like Jupiter.3 Earth is the only known planet equipped with an atmosphere of the right mixture of gases to sustain plant, animal and human life.
The Earth is located the right distance from the sun. Consider the temperature swings we encounter, roughly -30 degrees to +120 degrees. If the Earth were any further away from the sun, we would all freeze. Any closer and we would burn up. Even a fractional variance in the Earth's position to the sun would make life on Earth impossible. The Earth remains this perfect distance from the sun while it rotates around the sun at a speed of nearly 67,000 mph. It is also rotating on its axis, allowing the entire surface of the Earth to be properly warmed and cooled every day.
And our moon is the perfect size and distance from the Earth for its gravitational pull. The moon creates important ocean tides and movement so ocean waters do not stagnate, and yet our massive oceans are restrained from spilling over across the continents.4
Water...colorless, odorless and without taste, and yet no living thing can survive without it. Plants, animals and human beings consist mostly of water (about two-thirds of the human body is water). You'll see why the characteristics of water are uniquely suited to life:
It has an unusually high boiling point and freezing point. Water allows us to live in an environment of fluctuating temperature changes, while keeping our bodies a steady 98.6 degrees.
Water is a universal solvent. This property of water means that thousands of chemicals, minerals and nutrients can be carried throughout our bodies and into the smallest blood vessels.5
Water is also chemically neutral. Without affecting the makeup of the substances it carries, water enables food, medicines and minerals to be absorbed and used by the body.
Water has a unique surface tension. Water in plants can therefore flow upward against gravity, bringing life-giving water and nutrients to the top of even the tallest trees.
Water freezes from the top down and floats, so fish can live in the winter.
Ninety-seven percent of the Earth's water is in the oceans. But on our Earth, there is a system designed which removes salt from the water and then distributes that water throughout the globe. Evaporation takes the ocean waters, leaving the salt, and forms clouds which are easily moved by the wind to disperse water over the land, for vegetation, animals and people. It is a system of purification and supply that sustains life on this planet, a system of recycled and reused water.6
The human brain...simultaneously processes an amazing amount of information. Your brain takes in all the colors and objects you see, the temperature around you, the pressure of your feet against the floor, the sounds around you, the dryness of your mouth, even the texture of your keyboard. Your brain holds and processes all your emotions, thoughts and memories. At the same time your brain keeps track of the ongoing functions of your body like your breathing pattern, eyelid movement, hunger and movement of the muscles in your hands.
The human brain processes more than a million messages a second.7 Your brain weighs the importance of all this data, filtering out the relatively unimportant. This screening function is what allows you to focus and operate effectively in your world. The brain functions differently than other organs. There is an intelligence to it, the ability to reason, to produce feelings, to dream and plan, to take action, and relate to other people.
The eye...can distinguish among seven million colors. It has automatic focusing and handles an astounding 1.5 million messages -- simultaneously.8 Evolution focuses on mutations and changes from and within existing organisms. Yet evolution alone does not fully explain the initial source of the eye or the brain -- the start of living organisms from nonliving matter.
2. Does God exist? The universe had a start - what caused it?
Scientists are convinced that our universe began with one enormous explosion of energy and light, which we now call the Big Bang. This was the singular start to everything that exists: the beginning of the universe, the start of space, and even the initial start of time itself.
Astrophysicist Robert Jastrow, a self-described agnostic, stated, "The seed of everything that has happened in the Universe was planted in that first instant; every star, every planet and every living creature in the Universe came into being as a result of events that were set in motion in the moment of the cosmic explosion...The Universe flashed into being, and we cannot find out what caused that to happen."9
Steven Weinberg, a Nobel laureate in Physics, said at the moment of this explosion, "the universe was about a hundred thousands million degrees Centigrade...and the universe was filled with light."10
The universe has not always existed. It had a start...what caused that? Scientists have no explanation for the sudden explosion of light and matter.
3. Does God exist? The universe operates by uniform laws of nature. Why does it?
Much of life may seem uncertain, but look at what we can count on day after day: gravity remains consistent, a hot cup of coffee left on a counter will get cold, the earth rotates in the same 24 hours, and the speed of light doesn't change -- on earth or in galaxies far from us.
How is it that we can identify laws of nature that never change? Why is the universe so orderly, so reliable?
"The greatest scientists have been struck by how strange this is. There is no logical necessity for a universe that obeys rules, let alone one that abides by the rules of mathematics. This astonishment springs from the recognition that the universe doesn't have to behave this way. It is easy to imagine a universe in which conditions change unpredictably from instant to instant, or even a universe in which things pop in and out of existence."12
Richard Feynman, a Nobel Prize winner for quantum electrodynamics, said, "Why nature is mathematical is a mystery...The fact that there are rules at all is a kind of miracle."13
4. Does God exist? The DNA code informs, programs a cell's behavior.
All instruction, all teaching, all training comes with intent. Someone who writes an instruction manual does so with purpose. Did you know that in every cell of our bodies there exists a very detailed instruction code, much like a miniature computer program? As you may know, a computer program is made up of ones and zeros, like this: 110010101011000. The way they are arranged tell the computer program what to do. The DNA code in each of our cells is very similar. It's made up of four chemicals that scientists abbreviate as A, T, G, and C. These are arranged in the human cell like this: CGTGTGACTCGCTCCTGAT and so on. There are three billions of these letters in every human cell!!
Well, just like you can program your phone to beep for specific reasons, DNA instructs the cell. DNA is a three-billion-lettered program telling the cell to act in a certain way. It is a full instruction manual.14
Why is this so amazing? One has to did this information program wind up in each human cell? These are not just chemicals. These are chemicals that instruct, that code in a very detailed way exactly how the person's body should develop.
Natural, biological causes are completely lacking as an explanation when programmed information is involved. You cannot find instruction, precise information like this, without someone intentionally constructing it.
5. Does God exist? We know God exists because he pursues us. He is constantly initiating and seeking for us to come to him.
I was an atheist at one time. And like most atheists, the issue of people believing in God bothered me greatly. What is it about atheists that we would spend so much time, attention, and energy refuting something that we don't believe even exists?! What causes us to do that? When I was an atheist, I attributed my intentions as caring for those poor, delusional help them realize their hope was completely ill-founded. To be honest, I also had another motive. As I challenged those who believed in God, I was deeply curious to see if they could convince me otherwise. Part of my quest was to become free from the question of God. If I could conclusively prove to believers that they were wrong, then the issue is off the table, and I would be free to go about my life.
I didn't realize that the reason the topic of God weighed so heavily on my mind, was because God was pressing the issue. I have come to find out that God wants to be known. He created us with the intention that we would know him. He has surrounded us with evidence of himself and he keeps the question of his existence squarely before us. It was as if I couldn't escape thinking about the possibility of God. In fact, the day I chose to acknowledge God's existence, my prayer began with, "Ok, you win..." It might be that the underlying reason atheists are bothered by people believing in God is because God is actively pursuing them.
I am not the only one who has experienced this. Malcolm Muggeridge, socialist and philosophical author, wrote, "I had a notion that somehow, besides questing, I was being pursued." C.S. Lewis said he remembered, "...night after night, feeling whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England."
Lewis went on to write a book titled, "Surprised by Joy" as a result of knowing God. I too had no expectations other than rightfully admitting God's existence. Yet over the following several months, I became amazed by his love for me.
6. Does God exist? Unlike any other revelation of God, Jesus Christ is the clearest, most specific picture of God revealing himself to us.
Why Jesus? Look throughout the major world religions and you'll find that Buddha, Muhammad, Confucius and Moses all identified themselves as teachers or prophets. None of them ever claimed to be equal to God. Surprisingly, Jesus did. That is what sets Jesus apart from all the others. He said God exists and you're looking at him. Though he talked about his Father in heaven, it was not from the position of separation, but of very close union, unique to all humankind. Jesus said that anyone who had seen Him had seen the Father, anyone who believed in him, believed in the Father.
He said, "I am the light of the world, he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."15 He claimed attributes belonging only to God: to be able to forgive people of their sin, free them from habits of sin, give people a more abundant life and give them eternal life in heaven. Unlike other teachers who focused people on their words, Jesus pointed people to himself. He did not say, "follow my words and you will find truth." He said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life, no one comes to the Father but through me."16
What proof did Jesus give for claiming to be divine? He did what people can't do. Jesus performed miracles. He healed people...blind, crippled, deaf, even raised a couple of people from the dead. He had power over objects...created food out of thin air, enough to feed crowds of several thousand people. He performed miracles over nature...walked on top of a lake, commanding a raging storm to stop for some friends. People everywhere followed Jesus, because he constantly met their needs, doing the miraculous. He said if you do not want to believe what I'm telling you, you should at least believe in me based on the miracles you're seeing.17
Jesus Christ showed God to be gentle, loving, aware of our self-centeredness and shortcomings, yet deeply wanting a relationship with us. Jesus revealed that although God views us as sinners, worthy of his punishment, his love for us ruled and God came up with a different plan. God himself took on the form of man and accepted the punishment for our sin on our behalf. Sounds ludicrous? Perhaps, but many loving fathers would gladly trade places with their child in a cancer ward if they could. The Bible says that the reason we would love God is because he first loved us.
Jesus died in our place so we could be forgiven. Of all the religions known to humanity, only through Jesus will you see God reaching toward humanity, providing a way for us to have a relationship with him. Jesus proves a divine heart of love, meeting our needs, drawing us to himself. Because of Jesus' death and resurrection, he offers us a new life today. We can be forgiven, fully accepted by God and genuinely loved by God. He says, "I have loved you with an everlasting love, therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you."18 This is God, in action.
Does God exist? If you want to know, investigate Jesus Christ. We're told that "God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."19
God does not force us to believe in him, though he could. Instead, he has provided sufficient proof of his existence for us to willingly respond to him. The earth's perfect distance from the sun, the unique chemical properties of water, the human brain, DNA, the number of people who attest to knowing God, the gnawing in our hearts and minds to determine if God is there, the willingness for God to be known through Jesus Christ. If you need to know more about Jesus and reasons to believe in him, please see: Beyond Blind Faith.
If you want to begin a relationship with God now, you can.
This is your decision, no coercion here. But if you want to be forgiven by God and come into a relationship with him, you can do so right now by asking him to forgive you and come into your life. Jesus said, "Behold, I stand at the door [of your heart] and knock. He who hears my voice and opens the door, I will come into him [or her]."20 If you want to do this, but aren't sure how to put it into words, this may help: "Jesus, thank you for dying for my sins. You know my life and that I need to be forgiven. I ask you to forgive me right now and come into my life. I want to know you in a real way. Come into my life now. Thank you that you wanted a relationship with me. Amen."
God views your relationship with him as permanent. Referring to all those who believe in him, Jesus Christ said of us, "I know them, and they follow me; and I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand."21
So, does God exist? Looking at all these facts, one can conclude that a loving God does exist and can be known in an intimate, personal way. If you need more information about Jesus' claim to divinity, or about God's existence, or if you have similar important questions, please email us.
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About the Author: As a former atheist, Marilyn Adamson found it difficult to refute the continuously answered prayers and quality of life of a close friend. In challenging the beliefs of her friend, Marilyn was amazed to learn the wealth of objective evidence pointing to the existence of God. After about a year of persistent questioning, she responded to God's offer to come into her life and has found faith in Him to be constantly substantiated and greatly rewarding.
(1) Romans 1:19-21 (2) Jeremiah 29:13-14 (3) R.E.D. Clark, Creation (London: Tyndale Press, 1946), p. 20 (4) The Wonders of God's Creation, Moody Institute of Science (Chicago, IL) (5) Ibid. (6) Ibid. (7) Ibid. (8) Hugh Davson, Physiology of the Eye, 5th ed (New York: McGraw Hill, 1991) (9) Robert Jastrow; "Message from Professor Robert Jastrow";; 2002. (10) Steven Weinberg; The First Three Minutes: A Modern View of the Origin of the Universe; (Basic Books,1988); p 5. (11) omitted (12) Dinesh D'Souza, What's So Great about Christianity; (Regnery Publishing, Inc, 2007, chapter 11). (13) Richard Feynman, The Meaning of It All: Thoughts of a Citizen-Scientist (New York: BasicBooks, 1998), 43. (14) Francis S. Collins, director of the Human Genome Project, and author of The Language of God, (Free Press, New York, NY), 2006 (15) John 8:12 (16) John 14:6 (17) John 14:11 (18) Jeremiah 31:3 (19) John 3:16 (20) Revelation 3:20 (21) John 10:27-29